Courageous Enough to Choose
As a relational mentor for over twenty years, I have observed a lot of humans asking whether other people love them enough, understand them enough, or show up enough.
Self observation invites a different set of questions:
What am I choosing?
What am I avoiding choosing because the choice requires courage?
And are my repeated choices creating the intimacy and life I say I want?
Having access to courage does not mean we are unafraid. It means we develop enough self-awareness to recognize fear, desire, uncertainty, attachment, disappointment, and longing—and intentionally move despite the presence of these human obstacles.
At growURpotential.org, we use self-observation to notice what is happening without immediately turning what we discover into blame, shame, or demands for change.
Intimacy — I am connected in ways that make me feel known by loved ones.
Self-observation — I see me; my soul's journey is intentional.
Presence — I choose my focus.
Experience this shift for yourself. Take this self-assessment in a moment when mental focus is possible. If you feel disturbance, pause. It's ok to ask for support.
For each statement, choose Rarely → Sometimes → or Consistently. There is no half-picking, stay honest with yourself about your personal fulfillment:
The life I am living feels aligned with what I genuinely value, such that I am proud of the life I have created for myself and my loved ones.
I experience meaning, pleasure, curiosity, and peace enough in my life to feel nourished.
I trust myself to make choices, change direction, and respond to my needs as they evolve.
I am investing enough of my time and energy in the people, experiences, and purposes that matter most to me.
If my life continued much as it is for the next three years, I would feel fulfilled.
Now lets look at your Relational Intimacy. Again, choose Rarely → Sometimes → Consistently.
I feel understood in my important relationships, even when my loved ones disagree with my choices.
I am fully myself without fearing that honesty will cost me connection or belonging.
My relationships include a healthy balance of giving, receiving, initiating, and being cared for.
When conflict or disconnection happens, I have a reliable path back to connection.
I experience enough emotional, physical, intellectual, and/or spiritual intimacy to feel nourished.
My loved ones show curiosity about who I am becoming.
I can express needs, boundaries, disappointment, affection, and desire without abandoning myself to preserve the relationship.
My relationships make room for vulnerability and full disclosure while still respecting privacy, autonomy, and individual choice.
Across my relationships, I have nurtured connections that allow me to play, rest, grow, grieve, celebrate, and ask for help.
When I look across my relationships as a whole, I feel relationally fulfilled.
Don't Rush to Score Yourself. Look at Your Choices.
Look first at all the items you marked Consistently. What are you repeatedly choosing that makes that possible?
Now look at Sometimes. Instead of immediately asking Who isn't giving me what I need?, try asking: What choice might become available to me if I were willing to be more courageous?
Maybe courage means telling the truth.
Maybe it means asking instead of assuming.
Maybe it means receiving instead of always giving.
Maybe it means allowing someone to disagree with us without interpreting disagreement as abandonment.
Maybe it means setting a boundary.
Maybe it means apologizing.
Maybe it means admitting desire.
Maybe it means choosing ourselves.
Sometimes courage means accepting that each human gets to choose differently.
That is where intimacy becomes particularly interesting. We choose for ourselves or we live a performative life. We honor the choice of other humans or we create toxic relationships. So many of us deserve deeper focus about our choice patterns, and this is a space for deeper self-investing.
Courageous Self-awareness
A 20-Week Art & Illustration Workbook for Intimacy, Personal Fulfillment & Accountability was created to move us into deeper understanding of our ourselves. For 20 weeks, this self-paced practice guides looking inward to Examine what we actually desire, and to Notice what our bodies, behaviors, desires, fears, and relationships are producing.
As the workbook unfolds, personal accountability for the choices we are making grows clearer. Self-expression is hard, do it anyway! Make art that gives your courage shape, color, symbol, and movement. Allow self-affection, curiosity, disclosure, boundaries, appreciation, apology, and invitation, to become new self-care tactics.
Over 20 weeks, practice asking yourself new questions and producing new images of the life you are choosing. Experience the power of being able to express what nourishes you, and actually noticing where your energy goes. This investment will examine the masks we use to preserve belonging, while it illustrates the path back to our authentic self.
By the end of this investment expect to be clear about this questions:
Am I making myself knowable?
Am I expressing what I desire?
Can I tell the truth without loosing my loved ones?
Can I allow autonomy to coexist with intimacy?
What am I willing to choose differently?
Courage Is a Practice, Not a Personality
We don't need to become fearless to grow self-awareness. We practice recognizing the moment when fear, familiarity, attachment, or avoidance wants to make the choice for us.
Then we stay curious. What would I choose here if my values had the only vote?
That is the heart of intentional living. Not controlling another person. Not perfecting ourselves. Not performing intimacy.
Seeing ourselves clearly enough to make increasingly courageous choices about how we love, disclose, repair, desire, create, and become.